Project Brainstorms

I have been inordinately busy, and also blogging has not necessarily been at the forefront of my "things to do". I did feel impelled to write down a few ideas for some projects which I am tossing around in my head and working on intermittently.

The Penance Cycle
This project hinges on my fixation with Arabic calligraphy and the script itself being very beautiful, as well as a moment in my paltry understanding of the Arabic Language, I fixated on a phrase which had a series of "ye"s in consecutive order. Irhabiyeen is a gross transliteration of it. It means "terrorism", conjugated from the root word Irhabi or terrorist. One of the translators clarified the statement on the psychological operations poster hanging in the company area as a sample of a larger billboard which had gone up ion Baghdad asking the populous to not support terrorism. The message is now gone from my memory, but that word stuck. I'm a fan of language and how language works, I thought about my lessons in my 90 hour Arabic immersion course prior to my deployment and all the "I am, he is, she is, we are" exercises, and I thought "Ena Irhabi" or I'm a Terrorist. The phrase itself is very transgressive and confrontational, even if only written out. But to have "I'm a Terrorist" or "Ena Irhabi" written out in Arabic, with its beautiful undulating script becomes something else all together in a post-9/11 United States. I'm still playing with the idea, and what ways I can create images which are both inviting and also engaging for non-arabic speakers/readers.

Idol Worship/Idle Worship
Teaching High School, one of the teenage behaviors which has caught my attention is the fixation on certain celebrities. Students will tape photos onto lockers, or inside binders, and make up impossible fantasies of running away with said celebrity. This is largely a distinctly feminine phenomenon. The male students usually have a particular female celebrity which they objectify, and use as a base for their physical standards which is problematic in its own way. However students of both genders generally have someone which they fixate on. This is where I get my next idea for a possible series. While I do not devote nearly the amount of time or energy to celebrities, I do have a few individuals who I do fixate on either in the arts, performance or music. I was thinking of drawing parallels between the way people worship in various religions substituting celebrity icons for the religious iconography. In a sense this could be an excuse of drawing and painting images of celebrities I admire, but that might be too idiosyncratic.

Pictures with Veterans
I have met with and taken photos with several military veterans; one whose story I credit with giving me the cognitive push to endure my deployment with far more courage, grit, and preparation to accept any outcome regardless what would happen. I have met many more admirable veterans since separating from the Army, and have taken photos with most of them. I painted one photograph already, and have started a second one in the past 3 months. The work on these is sporadic, but I am pleased with the results. I do think if I keep going with this it can become a coherent series rather than a disjointed jump-start-stall of a body of work I normally do which has little coherence or reason.

One of the reason I articulate these ideas is basic ownership and a rudimentary effort to hold myself to some manner of accountability. Amongst the other things I am trying to nurture and grow, I figure something will come of this.

Shocking War Videos and the Forgotten Context of War

Recently there was a video of four United States Marine Fighters urinating on the corpses of alleged Taliban fighters. Rick Perry drew some criticism for comparing the video to the Daniel Pearl video as noted on the Daily Beast. Asra Nomani wrote a very compelling response to the concept which Perry brought up. Reflecting on my own experiences with the criticism of war videos and the criticism they will draw, I am compelled to reflect and respond to this. There have been numerous videos which have emerged from both sides of the ideological “War on Terrorism”. The “War on Terror” itself is problematic, and I am certain historians are busy writing their dissertations on the matter. Something that people forget, and Perry touches on this, as well as Nomani: War is one of the most destructive, devastating and catastrophic forces in the world. Part of the outrage which stems from the Marine video urinating on the corpses, as unfortunate as those actions are, is that in this ideological war, we idealize and elevate our fighting forces to a status comparable to paragons of virtue, defenders of all that is right and just in the world. They are representatives of American virtues and values. They represent everything that is purportedly good and wholesome about America. In the paradigm set forth by the ideological narrative of the “War on Terrorism” our enemies are subhuman. They represent everything that is wrong with that “other” culture, with their antiquated belief system (which ironically brought Europe out of the Dark Ages). They are barbaric murderous savages who embody all the vices which American Values abhor. The worst of the inhumanity is represented in the video where they butcher Daniel Pearl, and subsequently Nicholas Berg, and numerous other innocent casualties of war. This is an enemy who by the existence of these videos does not value human life, and is so ravenous and violent American forces are paragons of virtue fighting the forces of evil. Killing someone in such a manner and disseminating a video of the butchering can be nothing less than an inhuman act of people. We forget these people are in fact human. Nomani states that one of the men who killed Daniel Pearl retched and had to step out of the room when Pearl was being dismembered. However, both the Taliban forces just like the US Armed forces are at the end of the day human. I am not absolving the actions of either group. I am merely seeking to point out an important omnipresent fact: we forget the humanity of those we send to fight in war. Our society is probably all very jaded and so protected and removed from the realities of war that when a video such as the one the Marines have is shocking and appalling. The narrative and the reality of war is so far removed that it is a cold hard slap to the face when it is dropped on our news narrative again. The idealization and simplification of something as complex, brutal, and transformative as war seems only natural. War is so volatile that even the most virtuous people shed a bit of their humanity, and civilians do not and arguably cannot understand this. I deployed to Baghdad Iraq in 2005 through 2006 and I maintained a blog as a means of communication with some friends since I did not have all their e-mail addresses, and I could jot down my thoughts on a word document and paste it later. One of the discussion that emerged on a blog post not of my own involved a video which was at best a display of military power, at its most base and banal Neanthderthal-like, it is testosterone driven chest-thumping military cum shot. The person who posted this video was decrying how horrible it is and all the atrocities that military forces were raining down on Iraq & Afghanistan; a narrative of someone who clearly was unfamiliar with war, or deployment. In my deployment, I was a paper pusher. I worked logistics, so most of my time was either driving all over the Baghdad military bases or command complexes picking up and dropping off materials. I would hardly consider my deployment going to war, so videos such as the one this individual posted were common circulation as a means of passing the time, and entertaining ourselves because the time between missions, and a form of stress relief (albeit sophomoric, and juvenile, but stress relief nonetheless). I defended this video as such, and for daring to speak my opinion and the most memorable and insightful reply I received was “You are worse than Satan.” Now as the New Yorker Magazine cartoon once brilliantly stated “On the Internet, no one knows you are a dog.”, so to this armchair activist, it did not matter that I was a deployed troop/college student who had some insight into the thought processes behind why these videos are made. To them, I was probably some gun-toting hick from middle of nowhere southern United States who voted republican always and unapologetically. I too drew conclusions about this blogger and his comments. When I read Nomani’s editorial piece, I reflected on this. Maybe our culture has experienced War fatigue. Afghanistan is no longer a feature in the headlines because of the issues with the economy. Stories about troops coming home and going on post traumatic stress injury fueled fits of violence are seen as uncommon, or exceptions to the rule (which in some cases they are) I read this and I think…. A lot of people truly do not understand war. I include myself in that demographic. I think I have meandered beyond the main idea of what I wanted to get to. I do not think we should be all that surprised that for every terrorist posting a video of the butchering of a human being from the “other side”, we should not be surprised when our own fighting forces do something like piss on the corpses of their enemies. I say this without condoning or absolving the actions of either group, but with the intent of getting the few people who read this to think before they so quickly cast judgment.

Feelings of loserdom, and grappling with the reality of now

I have been away from this blog for a while, and I had a musing which simply begged it's way to my fingertips onto this computer screen. One of my students made a comment to the effect that he believed I was secretly very successful and doing a spectacular job at hiding that fact. There was some stuff that I read into that statement which basically entered the realm of being a teacher was the "Clark Kent" to my secret identity as an art world "Superman". I recognize that as an egocentric grandiose delusion. I'm a part time teacher working two teaching jobs, digging my way out of crippling student debt, living with my parents. I have had the very recent and inordinately fortuitous luck of exhibiting a substantial artwork in a National Museum. That is such a mind blowing occurrence to me as such a drifter in life with such a late start into anything which could be considered a career. And to one of my students I am "successful".
I understand perspective is very much at play here, and this student only sees one sliver of my reality. What he says and believes is a compliment, and I should take it as that, say "Thank you" and move on. But in my warped sense of what a successful thirty something should look like, the idea that I am successful is such a cognitive dissonance in what I understand to be successful.
Now this alone was just some existentialist ennui until I heard a very thought provoking episode of Citizen Radio where a 26 year old listener refers to himself as a live-with-parents-loser. He goes further to articulate how he is trying to make things better for himself. He was both very candid, and really funny in how he wrote about his situation. His plight prompted many people too empathize and reflect on their own very similar situation. This too, resonated with me, and hearing this caused my student's statement to echo. Unfortunately, in reflecting on my own situation and the age disparity, I felt a little bit worse in the apparent solidarity of college graduates in similar situations. I have friends who are married, have a place of their own, have a well established career with some job security and an overall sense of stability. Contrasting that my own life seems frenetic, and stress has a distinct rhythm which is concurrent with the stability of my income. The past four months have been more stable than the past three years.
Given the fact that I am among the generation of college graduates who had the misfortune of graduating into one of the worst economic times in the history of the United States, I can justify my current state. However, my mind has been warped by the narrative which has been pushed in the media, and socially for the past twenty years or so. In spite of my acknowledging the reality of my situation, cognitively, I have a dissonance which upon self-reflection, nags on me, and provokes the self-identification as a loser.

Making Things

Some weeks ago, one of the artists I am showing with at the National Veteran Art Museum told me I looked like someone who needed to drop all my responsibilities and make something. While I have issues letting go of commitments, I have started making things again. Taking a page from the methods of a friend, I started doing silhouette collages with duct tape sheets, and decorative papers. It is a start in terms of making things. As far as the methods go... well.... Imitation IS the sincerest form of flattery.

National Veteran Art Museum: Radical Vulnerability Installation and Interview

I knew this was coming because I was present when it happened. I felt very "Art:21" ish when I was working and answering the questions. But actually seeing the video and listening to myself....

Well... Look here

Radical Vulnerability at the National Veteran Art Museum

I have been working diligently for the past three weeks installing a larger scale site specific art at the National Veteran Art Museum for an upcoming exhibit "Radical Vulnerability". I can say that I am tentatively done installing. There are not enough letters in the word tired to explain how tired I feel. Nor are there enough synonyms for tired in a thesaurus.

In other news. Students are still challenging. I am not making enough art to satisfy my claim to the label "artist", but teaching still makes me happier more often than it causes me to shed enough hair that it looks like I am holding Cousin It from the Adams Family.

Pitfalls of Finding a Balance and Failing to make Substantial Art during Study Halls

I am trying to find a balance in teaching trying to pair a theme with some fairly technical projects, for what ends up being overall a fairly technical class. I'm tasked by the curriculum to teach my students good composition along with strengthening their skills shading with a pencil. I'm trying to pair the book which they will be reading in their American Literature Classes "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien, and "The Things They Carried" exhibit at the National Veterans Art Museum. I'm expanding it include the Gulf War, Afghanistan & Iraq in the past decade. I am at an awkward juncture where too many of my students are not finished with the previous project for me to pull a proverbial plug on studio work, but I also have close to half the class who is now finished and ready to begin a new project. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better on this front.

In other news: I am failing at finding an artistic something I can do besides decorating my hall passes during my study hall periods. I am usually reviewing my notes for how class went that day, or lesson planning, or composing presentations, or teacher journal logs, or reading the myriad e-mails I receive. I do get a few moments in which I can sit and observe and let my gears turn, and creativity percolate, sometimes. My issue is that nothing worthwhile has brewed up that is not a lesson plan or image presentation. I have nothing I have created that makes me squee with delight, and proclaim "I made this!" like a kindergartener bringing home a piece worthy of the refrigerator door-and this bothers me.