I am a fan of blogs based simply on the fact that I can rat on every little thing that comes accross my mind. Unfortunately right noe I cannot claim to be too pleased. I am here in Baghdad in a small little trailer in the middle of nowhere in particular, not far from where God lost his left shoe and decided to just make himself a new one. It is far from all the comforts of home and all the people that I really truly care for. Ofcourse, they are the reason I am here, indirectly so. I would rather go through this than have them suffer some of things I have suffered. While it is a great experience and defintely a new way to grow, and I think that growth and devlopment and seeing the world are important, I think there are ways more adviceable than the military, or at least as my current mood dictates, there are better ways than the military to see the world.
I am feeling a bit melancholy for the simplest reason being I miss home, probably more now than I did a month ago. I feel needed but I just don't feel I fit in well. I ponder at how long I have been here and how I still am such a humanist, and essentially, the same emotional me that I have been for the longest time, and maintained what most people would call sanity. I have maintianed a cool head, which is difficult to do in the desert and even more so in a war zone. I just do not feel like I belong here. My mentality and my beliefs are not entirely concurrent with those of my teammates, or at least not in the past few months that I have known them.
I base this mainly at the sort of language they use, and what they talk about, what they fear and what they laugh at. There are a lot of things to laugh about,but it is not so much what they laugh at but how that is most telling of this difference of beliefs, and values.
Though quite frankly I do not know what sanity is, otherwise would I be here in Baghdad? Yes by choice, I joined the military, and thus by choice put myself in the situation. However it was an order to go and my compliance with such that I am here. If I had things my way, I would be working back at my summer job, passing time with my friends, and remodeling my bedroom on the weekends. Instead I am in charge of the logistics here at my unit, and am learning to swallow an ocean one gulp at a time. Is stream of conciousness fun or what?
My access to web related parafanelia is very limited so I was pleasantly surprised to find that I could create a new blog to put down my thoughts.
There are a few thing that I have learned while being away are:
-to appreciate that no matter how far away you are from someone, you will be their shinning star, and the timing you have to brighten their day and turn a bad mood trancends continental boundaries
-your shining star will likewise know what to say to help you through the tough times, and shed new light on a problem
-never trust someone to help you relax, you better do it yourself or you will be vomitting long after you think you would have finished
-Just having the ability to keep going a bit longer than others will give them the strength to keep moving on.
Until I return....
