When I came out to myself almost a full decade ago, I had resigned myself to the notion that there were some things in life which were never going to happen for me. There were things which I would never have and dreams I had to quell because of who I was, and what that legally meant here in the United States, let alone also serving in the military. It was a part of me I had parted with, which I saw as necessary in order to move forward with my life. It was my rearranging of the reality I constructed. Because of who I was, my religious identity changed because my being queer was seen as an abomination and a sin. I could not get married because that was something hetero folk did. Marriage was something which, looking back on now, I had subconsciously discarded. It was not something I was ever going to do.
I loosely followed the debate on the "Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)", as well as "Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT)". I felt the acute sting of betrayal when the first repeal of DADT failed, and elated when it finally was repealed. I knew that the Supreme Court was going to rule on DOMA this year after the knockout drag-out fight over California's discriminatory "Proposition 8 (Prop 8)". I knew that equal rights were something which was happening in small but important steps across the nation. That every year, and every election, there were small victories. Iowa was kind of surprising. Then eventually Washington State. But there was the challenge taken up to the Supreme Court. They ruled this morning that portions of DOMA were unconstitutional. There was in that ruling happiness that they did something which gave more rights to people who did not have them. There is irony in that they took some voting rights away just the day prior. But here was a federal path forward toward equality. Like Loving v Virginia, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964, here was another landmark ruling. I celebrated along with the hundreds of friends too elated by the ruling. And then it hit me. There is the possibility of if I fall in love with someone, and want to spend my life with him I can in the future get married. I was so overcome with emotion, it was like reuniting with a someone who I had thought dead, mourned, and missed brought back from the dead. I was paralyzed, weeping, and contrary to my countenance so overcome with happiness psychologically, and biologically, I had no clue how to react. I'm still grappling with the notion. A door I thought closed, and bricked over was all of a sudden open once again.
There is still a great deal of work to do. There are several states for which the ruling changes nothing for same-sex couples who wish to marry the one they love. There is still a tremendous and arduous fight for transgender rights both nationally, and for the military. In Illinois because there is no recognition of same-sex marriage, the ruling on DOMA is essentially meaningless. But the fact that it happened, is a monumental step in the right direction.
Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
An Arbitrary Anniversary
Eight years ago, I was fighting the flue and had missed a drill weekend which was part of my commitment to my contract with the United States Army Reserves. I actually agonized over whether or not I would go to drill that weekend because while I was sick and feeling rather miserable, I also had a misguided sense of duty combined with a diminished sense of self-care. I ended up doing what could be considered the responsible thing and stayed home with my sickness. It was February 13, 2005; a Sunday morning. My supervising NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) called my house asking to speak with me. She asked me how I was, and if I was recovering well, and if I was sitting down. I said I was, and she replied with "You're going to Baghdad". Whatever visceral emotional response I might have had, I will never know. Reflexively I was a clear minded professional calculating a thousand things which were contingent on my almost robotic reply: "What's my timeline?"
The next day was a series of phone calls, and e-mails to school. I was within a year of graduation of a series of classes which I had fought tooth and nail through a portfolio review to get into. It was imperative I knew I would have my place held or if I was going to have to resubmit my portfolio again. I had to notify work, and I had to let certain friends and family know I was leaving soon - really soon.
After a few farewells, and a few very encouraging metaphorical but well needed kicks in the ass, I was not sad when I was saying my farewells and good byes. I consequently found out I would have far more time than the "This Thursday" my NCO told me, as there was training I had to complete prior to heading overseas.
The deployment was a profoundly formative experience in my life, which I cannot say with any sort of confidence that I would be the person I am today were it not for that experience. There are people whom I would have never been put on a path to meet were it not for how my military service and actually deploying affected the way I think, and helped shape my values and beliefs. There are people like Marc-Anthony, or Cherie whom I would have never spoken too or been fortunate enough to befriend. The introduced me to Sacha Sacket, wonderful ideas, and unbridled kindness of strangers. A longer lasting kindness than the Bangor Troop Welcomers, who also are very deserving of my respect.I would have never met the other "nerdiest person in the batallion" Lysandwr, my deployment girlfriend! If I had not deployed to Baghdad I would not have taken an interest in foreign languages and cultures, nor would I have gotten involved with the Vet Art Project, and met Lisa, Jessa, Tim, and subsequently Aaron, Sabrina, Nicky, Vinny, Alejandro, Barry, Hans, or Iris. My friendship with Susheela would not have been as nurturing nor fulfilling. I would not make the kind of art which I am making now, nor would I explore the ideas and grapple with the issues which I grapple with now.
So today, I honor my eighth anniversary to my deployment to a war we should have never fought, but my involvement in has made me a more conscientiousness and engaged inhabitant of the world.
The next day was a series of phone calls, and e-mails to school. I was within a year of graduation of a series of classes which I had fought tooth and nail through a portfolio review to get into. It was imperative I knew I would have my place held or if I was going to have to resubmit my portfolio again. I had to notify work, and I had to let certain friends and family know I was leaving soon - really soon.
After a few farewells, and a few very encouraging metaphorical but well needed kicks in the ass, I was not sad when I was saying my farewells and good byes. I consequently found out I would have far more time than the "This Thursday" my NCO told me, as there was training I had to complete prior to heading overseas.
The deployment was a profoundly formative experience in my life, which I cannot say with any sort of confidence that I would be the person I am today were it not for that experience. There are people whom I would have never been put on a path to meet were it not for how my military service and actually deploying affected the way I think, and helped shape my values and beliefs. There are people like Marc-Anthony, or Cherie whom I would have never spoken too or been fortunate enough to befriend. The introduced me to Sacha Sacket, wonderful ideas, and unbridled kindness of strangers. A longer lasting kindness than the Bangor Troop Welcomers, who also are very deserving of my respect.I would have never met the other "nerdiest person in the batallion" Lysandwr, my deployment girlfriend! If I had not deployed to Baghdad I would not have taken an interest in foreign languages and cultures, nor would I have gotten involved with the Vet Art Project, and met Lisa, Jessa, Tim, and subsequently Aaron, Sabrina, Nicky, Vinny, Alejandro, Barry, Hans, or Iris. My friendship with Susheela would not have been as nurturing nor fulfilling. I would not make the kind of art which I am making now, nor would I explore the ideas and grapple with the issues which I grapple with now.
So today, I honor my eighth anniversary to my deployment to a war we should have never fought, but my involvement in has made me a more conscientiousness and engaged inhabitant of the world.
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Project Brainstorms
I have been inordinately busy, and also blogging has not necessarily been at the forefront of my "things to do". I did feel impelled to write down a few ideas for some projects which I am tossing around in my head and working on intermittently.
The Penance Cycle
This project hinges on my fixation with Arabic calligraphy and the script itself being very beautiful, as well as a moment in my paltry understanding of the Arabic Language, I fixated on a phrase which had a series of "ye"s in consecutive order. Irhabiyeen is a gross transliteration of it. It means "terrorism", conjugated from the root word Irhabi or terrorist. One of the translators clarified the statement on the psychological operations poster hanging in the company area as a sample of a larger billboard which had gone up ion Baghdad asking the populous to not support terrorism. The message is now gone from my memory, but that word stuck. I'm a fan of language and how language works, I thought about my lessons in my 90 hour Arabic immersion course prior to my deployment and all the "I am, he is, she is, we are" exercises, and I thought "Ena Irhabi" or I'm a Terrorist. The phrase itself is very transgressive and confrontational, even if only written out. But to have "I'm a Terrorist" or "Ena Irhabi" written out in Arabic, with its beautiful undulating script becomes something else all together in a post-9/11 United States. I'm still playing with the idea, and what ways I can create images which are both inviting and also engaging for non-arabic speakers/readers.
Idol Worship/Idle Worship
Teaching High School, one of the teenage behaviors which has caught my attention is the fixation on certain celebrities. Students will tape photos onto lockers, or inside binders, and make up impossible fantasies of running away with said celebrity. This is largely a distinctly feminine phenomenon. The male students usually have a particular female celebrity which they objectify, and use as a base for their physical standards which is problematic in its own way. However students of both genders generally have someone which they fixate on. This is where I get my next idea for a possible series. While I do not devote nearly the amount of time or energy to celebrities, I do have a few individuals who I do fixate on either in the arts, performance or music. I was thinking of drawing parallels between the way people worship in various religions substituting celebrity icons for the religious iconography. In a sense this could be an excuse of drawing and painting images of celebrities I admire, but that might be too idiosyncratic.
Pictures with Veterans
I have met with and taken photos with several military veterans; one whose story I credit with giving me the cognitive push to endure my deployment with far more courage, grit, and preparation to accept any outcome regardless what would happen. I have met many more admirable veterans since separating from the Army, and have taken photos with most of them. I painted one photograph already, and have started a second one in the past 3 months. The work on these is sporadic, but I am pleased with the results. I do think if I keep going with this it can become a coherent series rather than a disjointed jump-start-stall of a body of work I normally do which has little coherence or reason.
One of the reason I articulate these ideas is basic ownership and a rudimentary effort to hold myself to some manner of accountability. Amongst the other things I am trying to nurture and grow, I figure something will come of this.
The Penance Cycle
This project hinges on my fixation with Arabic calligraphy and the script itself being very beautiful, as well as a moment in my paltry understanding of the Arabic Language, I fixated on a phrase which had a series of "ye"s in consecutive order. Irhabiyeen is a gross transliteration of it. It means "terrorism", conjugated from the root word Irhabi or terrorist. One of the translators clarified the statement on the psychological operations poster hanging in the company area as a sample of a larger billboard which had gone up ion Baghdad asking the populous to not support terrorism. The message is now gone from my memory, but that word stuck. I'm a fan of language and how language works, I thought about my lessons in my 90 hour Arabic immersion course prior to my deployment and all the "I am, he is, she is, we are" exercises, and I thought "Ena Irhabi" or I'm a Terrorist. The phrase itself is very transgressive and confrontational, even if only written out. But to have "I'm a Terrorist" or "Ena Irhabi" written out in Arabic, with its beautiful undulating script becomes something else all together in a post-9/11 United States. I'm still playing with the idea, and what ways I can create images which are both inviting and also engaging for non-arabic speakers/readers.
Idol Worship/Idle Worship
Teaching High School, one of the teenage behaviors which has caught my attention is the fixation on certain celebrities. Students will tape photos onto lockers, or inside binders, and make up impossible fantasies of running away with said celebrity. This is largely a distinctly feminine phenomenon. The male students usually have a particular female celebrity which they objectify, and use as a base for their physical standards which is problematic in its own way. However students of both genders generally have someone which they fixate on. This is where I get my next idea for a possible series. While I do not devote nearly the amount of time or energy to celebrities, I do have a few individuals who I do fixate on either in the arts, performance or music. I was thinking of drawing parallels between the way people worship in various religions substituting celebrity icons for the religious iconography. In a sense this could be an excuse of drawing and painting images of celebrities I admire, but that might be too idiosyncratic.
Pictures with Veterans
I have met with and taken photos with several military veterans; one whose story I credit with giving me the cognitive push to endure my deployment with far more courage, grit, and preparation to accept any outcome regardless what would happen. I have met many more admirable veterans since separating from the Army, and have taken photos with most of them. I painted one photograph already, and have started a second one in the past 3 months. The work on these is sporadic, but I am pleased with the results. I do think if I keep going with this it can become a coherent series rather than a disjointed jump-start-stall of a body of work I normally do which has little coherence or reason.
One of the reason I articulate these ideas is basic ownership and a rudimentary effort to hold myself to some manner of accountability. Amongst the other things I am trying to nurture and grow, I figure something will come of this.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Pitfalls of Finding a Balance and Failing to make Substantial Art during Study Halls
I am trying to find a balance in teaching trying to pair a theme with some fairly technical projects, for what ends up being overall a fairly technical class. I'm tasked by the curriculum to teach my students good composition along with strengthening their skills shading with a pencil. I'm trying to pair the book which they will be reading in their American Literature Classes "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien, and "The Things They Carried" exhibit at the National Veterans Art Museum. I'm expanding it include the Gulf War, Afghanistan & Iraq in the past decade. I am at an awkward juncture where too many of my students are not finished with the previous project for me to pull a proverbial plug on studio work, but I also have close to half the class who is now finished and ready to begin a new project. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better on this front.
In other news: I am failing at finding an artistic something I can do besides decorating my hall passes during my study hall periods. I am usually reviewing my notes for how class went that day, or lesson planning, or composing presentations, or teacher journal logs, or reading the myriad e-mails I receive. I do get a few moments in which I can sit and observe and let my gears turn, and creativity percolate, sometimes. My issue is that nothing worthwhile has brewed up that is not a lesson plan or image presentation. I have nothing I have created that makes me squee with delight, and proclaim "I made this!" like a kindergartener bringing home a piece worthy of the refrigerator door-and this bothers me.
In other news: I am failing at finding an artistic something I can do besides decorating my hall passes during my study hall periods. I am usually reviewing my notes for how class went that day, or lesson planning, or composing presentations, or teacher journal logs, or reading the myriad e-mails I receive. I do get a few moments in which I can sit and observe and let my gears turn, and creativity percolate, sometimes. My issue is that nothing worthwhile has brewed up that is not a lesson plan or image presentation. I have nothing I have created that makes me squee with delight, and proclaim "I made this!" like a kindergartener bringing home a piece worthy of the refrigerator door-and this bothers me.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Pay it Forward 2011
A while ago, on facebook a friend of mine posted a status which read as follows:
"Pay It Forward 2011 ~ I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment here. They must in turn post this as their status. The rules are that the items must be handmade by you and must be sent to your 5 people sometime in 2011. Happy gifting!"
Thus far I have only received 4 comments since posting this, and am tempted to post it again, if only to see if different people respond. I think the idea of something hand-made is romantic and idealistic, if only because we live in a world of ready-made, cookie cutter consumerism. Everything is pre-packaged and sanitized for your protection. It is like a facebook status, or an e-mail. It is quick, and instant, and requires very little effort on your part. A hand-made something, even if it is a home cooked meal, has what feels like a bygone sentiment which I fear is getting lost in the melange of life.
"Pay It Forward 2011 ~ I promise to send something handmade to the first 5 people who leave a comment here. They must in turn post this as their status. The rules are that the items must be handmade by you and must be sent to your 5 people sometime in 2011. Happy gifting!"
Thus far I have only received 4 comments since posting this, and am tempted to post it again, if only to see if different people respond. I think the idea of something hand-made is romantic and idealistic, if only because we live in a world of ready-made, cookie cutter consumerism. Everything is pre-packaged and sanitized for your protection. It is like a facebook status, or an e-mail. It is quick, and instant, and requires very little effort on your part. A hand-made something, even if it is a home cooked meal, has what feels like a bygone sentiment which I fear is getting lost in the melange of life.
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